"Turning Red" and Carrying the Burden of Healing Your Parents’ Inner Child

How a deceivingly silly movie about a girl who turns into a red panda can tell us a lot about healing familial emotional and psychological wounds.

March 22, 2022

Author: Kassandra Camille C. Galang, USA

Tags: #TurningRed, #Disney, #Pixar, #family, #parents, #intergenerationaltrauma

Turning Red is a coming-of-age story that centers are Mei-Lin Lee, a 13-year-old Chinese Canadian girl. One night, she finds out that the women in her family have the ability to turn into giant red pandas when they feel strong emotions. While her grandmother, mother, and aunts have all undergone a ritual to separate themselves from their red pandas, throughout the film, Mei must decide for herself what her red panda represents for her and whether or not she wants to banish it or keep it as a part of her.

There are so many amazing scenes and details of this movie that I love so much. But I want to draw your attention to what I believe is the most impactful scene of the movie: When Mei meets her mom’s inner child. After helping her mom undergo the ritual of separating her red panda from herself when it is accidentally released in a fit of rage and betrayal, Mei and her female relatives find themselves in a spiritual realm that takes the form of a bamboo forest. When Mei wakes up in the bamboo forest, she immediately searches for her mother, who she finds in a much younger form. Mei’s mother, Ming, is on the forest floor crying because she accidentally hurt her mother in a fit of anger. When Mei sees how scared and small her normally strong, self-assured mother is, Mei is taken aback. In this scene, Mei reassures and comforts her mother’s younger self before gently leading her to the rest of their relatives.

This scene pulled at my heartstrings, and I cried so much that I had to pause the movie. It reminded me too much of my relationship with my own mom. I love my mom, and like Mei, I am perfectly aware of the sacrifices she made for me by moving to a new country so I could have more opportunities. But we also butted heads a lot while I was growing up. I was my mother’s confidant and personal therapist. As I grew older, I resented that it felt like I had to parent my own parent. Add on the additional pressure of impossibly high expectations that both of my parents put on me as the eldest daughter of a Filipino-immigrant household, and yeah–I can definitely relate to Mei’s acts of rebellion.

"This scene pulled at my heartstrings, and I cried so much that I had to pause the movie. It reminded me too much of my relationship with my own mom."

After moving 2,000 miles away from home to attend college in a different state, I was able to reflect and take the time to separate my identity from my parents’ expectations. I grew more independent as I become more attuned to myself. I had the space now to be more empathetic towards my mother for placing her emotional needs on me as a child. I came to the realization that a scared little girl with too much responsibility placed on her at such a young age who was forced to grow up too fast raised a scared little girl with too much responsibility placed on her at such a young age who was forced to grow up too fast. I saw the cycle that she didn’t. And that awareness will shape each future generation.

The discourse surrounding parentified children is often centered on whether it’s right or wrong. Blame is put on the parents for not working out their problems before having children, and I agree that there is a time and place for this discourse. This pattern of placing our emotional burdens on our children cannot be allowed to continue in the future. For those of us placed in this situation, it is not a question of right or wrong but of love and responsibility. I spent so much time as an adolescent thinking about how unfair it was to have to bear the burden of healing my mother’s inner child. And maybe it really is unfair to place that responsibility and burden on a child. But what else was I supposed to do? I wasn’t going to let my mother fend for herself and cut off our relationship just as Mei wasn’t going to leave her mother’s inner child on the forest floor crying and afraid.

"I saw the cycle that she didn’t. And that awareness will shape each future generation."

I loved the movie Turning Red, and I will be listening to Nobody Like U on repeat for at least the next month. I want to take the time to thank the lead development team for creating this story and for vulnerably sharing their own experiences as part of the creation process. Thank you director, Domee Shi, producer Lindsey Collins, visual effects supervisor Danielle Feinberg, production designer Rona Liu, and associate producer Sabine Koch O’Sullivan. A look into the behind-the-scenes creation process of Turning Red is available on Disney+.

Discussion Points

• What was your reaction to the movie Turning Red?

• Did the movie highlight some of your experiences with your parents? What were those experiences?

• How do you think your parents would react while watching the movie? Would they side with Mei or with Jing?

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