Just Not Your Type… [Walang Forever]

Let’s talk dating… A look at the nuances surrounding the Fil-Am dating experience in the U.S.

November 05, 2021

Author: Kassandra Camille C. Galang, USA

Tags: #dating, #race, #culture, #culturalidentity, #relationships

Navigating the dating world in 2021 in the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic can be tricky. With the rise in the use of dating apps and virtual dating, it can be easy to fall into the boxes you check on your profile. Star sign? Check. Political views? Check. Race? Check. But what does it mean when I, a Filipina-American, checks the “Asian” box?

For some context, I was raised an hour southwest of Chicago, Illinois, USA. Both of my parents immigrated from the Philippines to the US before I was born. As a child, my classmates were a majority White. I can count on one hand how many other Filipinos I knew at my high school.

While living in the Midwest, I often felt out of place. I can count on one hand how many other Filipinos were at my high school. My self-image, self-confidence, and self-worth in high school were deeply affected by comparing myself to my peers. At 4’10”, I never felt as desirable as the tall, blonde, athletic girls in my class. Amongst my peers, no one was interested in dating a Filipina girl.

Several years later, I moved to the Los Angeles, California area for college. I remember being so excited to attend a university where there was a Filipino cultural club. I have never met so many peers from the same cultural and ethnic heritage as me. It was a culture shock for me to no longer feel like I was the minority culture. I rode this high of happiness, excitement, and belonging during my college experience.

I didn’t date much during my college years, but I started using dating apps during my last year of college. The use of dating apps typically comes with funny stories or awkward experiences, but my experience using dating apps made me hyper aware of my cultural/ethnic identity.

"I have never met so many peers from the same cultural and ethnic heritage as me. It was a culture shock for me to no longer feel like I was the minority culture."

Even though I lived near Los Angeles, which has a high Asian population, I felt like I didn’t fit the “type” of Asian people were looking for. I didn’t fit the mold of the bubbly, blonde, outgoing East-Asian girl who attended UCLA or UCI.

As a Filipina, the familiar feeling of being undesirable or never anyone’s type came back. But this time, it almost hurt more. While living and growing up in the midwest, I knew I didn’t fit in because I didn’t look like anyone around me. There was such a stark contrast between me and my peers. Being in Southern California, it almost felt like I was being rejected or undesired by people I had more in common with.

"Checking a box on racial identity will never fully capture a person’s lived experience."

Overall, this small and seemingly insignificant experience helped me think more about my complex cultural background and identity in the dating world. Checking a box on racial identity will never fully capture a person’s lived experience.

Discussion Points

• If you’re a Filipino living in the U.S. were there parts of this blog post that you could relate to? Or did you have a different experience?

• How much do you think about your Filipino identity when pursuing romantic relationships? What ways do you think your Filipino identity affects how others see you?

• If you’re a Filipino not living in the U.S., have you experienced something similar when dating?

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